Tonight, during my last reading, I became aware of how unusual my life is. It's not like I haven't known that my perceptions were somewhat different than the average person's, but there are some moments in life when your eyes pop wide open, as if you'd been squinting your entire life until that moment...I've had a few moments that have come close - like the time I was at a "Hollywood" party held by a publicist (oh, don't be impressed - I was huddled like a frightened puppy in a corner for most of the night, lol). I was talking for about 45 minutes with a physicist before she finally asked me what I do for a living. Now, I've read about jaw-dropping experiences, but never thought I'd actually live to encounter one myself. Well, I'm here to tell you the act of the jaw falling agape can and does happen! lol She stared at me in disbelief for about 10 seconds before blurting out, "But you're so RATIONAL!!" Of course I couldn't help but laugh.

It's been a frustrating few months! I haven't gotten a newsletter out for the last few months while I've been looking for a new freelance writer (I found an amazing one!); in February, I had to temporarily discontinue my in-person readings while my office landlord was doing non-stop construction on the building; and I was also going through some difficult changes in my personal life over the last few months. For those who think Mediums get a free pass on the hard stuff, think again! lol Unfortunately we have to learn our lessons just like everyone else. In fact, what most people don't realize is that our abilities generally don't help us much in our personal lives. You might be surprised to hear that, although my guides will keep me from walking down a street where there is danger, I'm (almost) on my own when it comes to romanic relationships. As soon as I become emotionally attracted to someone, my abilities all but shut off in relation to them until we've settled into the "couplehood" part of the relationship. For about the 1st 3 or 4 months, though, I'm all but psychically blind to him. Not fun for me, but, if you think about it, it kind of evens out the playing field. It wouldn't exactly be fair for me to be able to constantly "read" a potential partner and have inside information - it'd kinda be like insider trading, I think! lol. The fact is that I have to learn the same lessons about trust, mastering my negative patterns to make positive decisions and allowing love into my life that everyone else does.

I can't tell you how happy and fulfilled I am now that I've started my own business, but there are some aspects of it that are very difficult, made especially so since I've been searching for a new assistant (I just found one, which I'll announce in another blog post). It sounds easy, but trying to do all of the administrative work, marketing work AND spiritual work has been incredibly trying over the last month, culminating in a logistical problem with PayPal, the online site I use to process credit card information.

A couple of things did come up for me in the past few weeks though that have given me pause for thought, but right now I'm in a very reflective state, so I just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still breathing! I promise to write something here within the next couple of days, most likely explaining the state of growth I'm in currently and why I'm in this reflective state!

In the meantime, grab some popcorn, sit back and enjoy some of my older posts!

In response to my last blog post, "Scary Places," a visitor asked an important question that addresses one of the biggest misconceptions about my industry. Even though it's a response to one of my blog posts, I've decided to post it as a separate blog entry because I want to make sure that it's seen. I think it's a great question and it's one that I'd like to bring attention to.

I'm often asked if there are any places or experiences that scare me. The truth is that there really isn't much in terms of spirit activity that scares me (that's not to say that I CAN'T be scared or that I haven't been startled by the unexpected). But I found a place tonight that has had me on edge every time I've gone - it's the bathroom of a local movie theater. I have always tried to avoid entering that bathroom alone when I've visited the theater and tonight was no exception. Unfortunately, I couldn't help it - I'd had a bottle of water and was in no shape to watch a 2 hour movie without making use of the "facilities!"

I wasn't thinking much of it until I got to the door of the bathroom and had that same foreboding feeling just before entering. Nevertheless, I went in, staying on alert but not allowing fear to stop me. After just a few seconds of being in the room, though, the presence was so strong there was almost a panicked feeling. So I quickly used the restroom and was about to exit the stall, talking to the woman who I felt was there and asking her not to manifest outside of the stall door when I opened it (Why, I don't know, lol - it hasn't happened there before, but the presence was just especially strong tonight). Right before I exited the stall I heard a woman clear her throat, which actually made me feel more comfortable, since I thought I'd been mistaken about being alone in the bathroom. So I exited the stall and was walking over to the sink when I heard loud sobs coming from one of the stalls and an instant realization hit me: I'd been duped, lol. I wasn't alone, but there wasn't anyone else PHYSICALLY in the bathroom...To be sure, I knelt down and looked under the stalls for feet (yes, I'm ashamed to say, I did this, lol) and, of course, there were none.

As I said, I'm not easily shaken, but the presence in this bathroom is so overwhelming and heavy that I plan on making sure to leave the bottled water at home from now on! I've never stayed in that bathroom more than a minute or two, so, other than knowing that the presence is a female, I don't know what (if anything) happened at that location (or if the presence is just drawn there for some reason). I've also never seen the spirit - her presence is just so strongly felt and she seems to hang out in the back stalls on the right side. (When I've used the first stall on the left side, by the way, I've never felt uncomfortable. Unfortunately, for some reason it seems that there's almost always something wrong with that stall, forcing me into either the 2nd stall on the left, which I don't want to enter because that's right where the thick of the heavy energy starts, or into the 1st big stall on the RIGHT side, where I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable - this night was no exception; the first stall on the left was, of course, clogged. It always feels like I'm cattle being herded as close as possible to the back of the restroom - which is NOT a place I want to be.

Last week I realized that, despite the fact that my guides have told me that I'll be going more public soon, I have had very little experience with a couple of areas of common public interest; namely crime scene investigation and investigation of houses with spirit activity. My relative lack of experience in those areas came to my attention because of the fact that, over the last 8 months I've had multiple clients coming to me in need of those services. The influx of clients with those needs is strange only because I haven't really drawn many of those types of clients in the past...I never really saw myself as the type to help the police solve a crime (despite the fact that, as pathetically typical as it may sound, Medium is my favorite show, lol). The truth is that I tend to be a very deeply emotional person in the sense that I feel the pain of others to my core, making it difficult for me to relive their suffering. This is why I can't watch movies like Saw or others in which people are suffering; it literally makes me physically sick to my stomach.

In any case, after coming to this realization last week, I decided that, since I'm not sure what avenue my professional life will take in the public, I should probably get some practice in...Now, I'm not COMPLETELY inexperienced in these areas - I've investigated homes for people unsettled by spirit activity and over the course of my career I've aided families whose loved ones have died tragically, mysteriously or otherwise unnaturally. But doing medium work and obtaining information that way before going to a crime scene is very different than going in completely blind, which is something that, until today, I'd never done before. It's one thing to sit down with a mother whose son comes through and tells you all of the details of his murder but quite another to go to a location where you have absolutely no idea what type of a passing took place there (whether a murder, a suicide, an accident or a natural passing) and attempt to connect to the energy to get information. This is what I did today...Last week I had my assistant Chris look up locations online without telling me or anyone else ANYTHING about the location he chose - not even where it was located...The plan was for him to get the jist of what happened and then, on the appointed day (today), drive us out to the location, where I would be videotaped doing a "reading" on what happened at the location.