When I was little, I remember thinking of grown-ups as these all-knowing, infallible creatures. I don't think this is uncommon; on some level I think most kids believe their parents to be the keymasters to all of the mysteries of the universe - until they hit puberty, at least! I've thought a lot about this lately, since one of my nieces has recently become pregnant and her brother just had his first child.
In my practice it's become glaringly apparent that we never truly grow up - or, at least, our soul doesn't want to - not in the way it's forced to by our society. Nevertheless, once we hit about 20 years old, our personality has been forged and we've become well inured to
the negative patterns our emotional scars have pushed us to. As we get older, we become masters: masters of deceit, masters of denial - ignoring those scars and their effects, believing we just need to "focus on the positive," which only serves to create more scars, which we then do our best to ignore. And then, when we hit our 30's, we begin to master "settling" (which we like to label "acceptance," because we like to feel that we're actually doing something positive by giving up on following our passions). All is well and good for a while, until one day - it may be at 33, it may be at 45 - but one day, we begin to master "numbness" - usually without even realizing it at first. From there, it's only a hop, skip and a jump to mastering "regret."
The other day, as I sat at my desk feverishly working away at my website updates (as I've been doing for the last 2 weeks), 2 of my dog-kids began taking turns nudging my hands away from the keyboard and into ideal back-scratching position as a 3rd repeatedly dropped his ball on the "Enter" key. It was clearly a well-coordinated effort. "Okay, Okay," I said, "Gimme a minute - I'm almost done..." And 45 minutes later, the process repeated itself. Finally I begrudgingly set aside what I was working on, picked up the tennis ball and called the "pack" to play outside. Of course they were all
ecstatic, which thrilled me to no end! This scenario has repeated itself multiple times over the last 7 days - each time culminating in me standing outside in the sunshine or snow (we've had both this week!), surrounded by my beloved dog-children, breathing in the most amazingly sweet pine-laced air & vowing to spend less time with my face buried in the computer and more time playing ball and taking afternoon walks in the woods between readings. As I just realized, it is, so far, yet to happen. Normally almost every moment in between my readings is spent playing with & nuzzling the animal members of our family, cavorting outside with them in the snow or sunshine, standing on our deck & just taking in the sights & smells of nature. Even when I lived in the city, I could barely stand to spend an entire day indoors without at least a few breaks spent outside feeling the sunshine on my face & drinking in the sight of whatever trees may be around.
Nature is so healing and life-affirming - particularly in the city, it offers a place for the eyes, the mind and the spirit to rest. In urban settings, places literally covered in cement and billboards and smog, it's no wonder depression and anxiety run rampant! It's especially important for city-dwellers to make spending time in a natural setting (even in your backyard) a priority to allow your mind to decompress. Something as simple as a tree can make the mind relax and can actually be comforting to the spirit because of its stability, having been rooted firmly into the earth.
I have just been fighting writing in my blog for the last month! Every time I sit down to write, I'll get
halfway through an entry and become distracted! It's strange, but I've actually got an overabundance of things to say, without
the focus to get them down! Time to balance!
In any case, to ease myself back into writing here regularly, I thought I'd share a really interesting experience I've had in my new home. I'll preface my story by saying that, having been born a medium, enc
ountering people in spirit is nothing new for me; but rarely have I come across a place with such co
nstant activity as I have here in Utah, of all places! To be honest, before moving here I knew very little about the state, aside from its strong roots in the Mormon com
munity. And the location of our house, high in the hills literally on the edge of a national forest, would never
have given away any indication of high traffic visitations outside of the 4-legged "regulars" - a coyote pack, a family of rabbits and a bobcat we affectionately named, "Bob." In fact, in moving here, I fully expected to exerience far fewer interactions with spirits than in the city. Silly, I know - people in spirit are a ubiquitous as their bodied counterparts; nevertheless, having never lived outside the city and having almost never travelled, it's what I absentmindedly figured. As it turns out, nothing could be furth
er from the truth!
I was looking through the site today and realized just how long it's been since I've given it any attention. Normally I'm looking through my website almost every day; planning for articles, updating upcoming events, looking for ways to better convey ideas to clients, both current and potential. But recent events have kept me quite busy over the last few months, distracting me from what is normally an all-consuming passion: my work.
Over the last several months, I've faced trials with friends, I've fallen deeply in love and I've said goodbye to my longtime companion, my 18 year old cat-daughter Miyam. It's been both exhilarating and painful; hopeful and frustrating. I'd be lying if I said that there haven't been times over the last 6 months that I've questioned whether everything I've learned from my guides was just a big lie; whether everything I've come to understand from my work has been one big misinterpretation. But, as is its way, time has given me a greater perspective on my life over the last few months.
To begin, I'm the first to admit my faults. It's not out of some great sense of honor (although integrity and honor are incredibly important to me); it's just that I know that, eventually, our faults have a way of showing themselves, whether we want them to or not. We so often try to sugar-coat ourselves - to make ourselves appear less damaged, less frayed at the edges. It's a shame that we do this to ourselves; pulling the wool over each others' eyes. Eventually the other person will find out all of the parts of your secret (but true) self and become disillusioned, realizing that they've been duped. And you'll be left wondering why the relationship isn't as fulfilling as you'd hoped; why your partner is distracted; why you secretly wish for other, more passionate experiences. I see people go through this cycle over and over again, never understanding why the pattern repeats itself in their lives. What they don't realize is that, if they were honest about who they really are ("warts" and all!) in the beginning of a relationship, not only would there be a deeper sense of intimacy, but they, themselves would feel, for possibly the first time in their lives, truly loved for who they are.
But I digress. This is supposed to be about my experiences and insights over the last few months....Well, truth be told, tonight I'm tired in the best kind of way. I'll soon be moving to Utah with the man I've waited (sometimes impatiently!) for my entire life. Yesterday I drove 6 hours back to California after spending the week visiting and am just getting back on track from the 1 hour time difference. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it makes a difference! Every day I talk with people about relationships and have always counseled on the benefits of not settling, despite the fact that I, myself had not yet found my "one and only." (Although, of course, I've had my share of relationships). I knew this intrinsically, though, not only because of counsel from my guides, but because I, myself have lived it; making stops along the way to learn my lessons, but never staying because I knew they were not him. Now that I have found him, I can, without hesitation, say that, although waiting for the right person can at times be frustrating and lonely, once you've found him/her, the days before become a blur of life lived and lessons learned.
Tonight, during my last reading, I became aware of how unusual my life is. It's not like I haven't known that my perceptions were somewhat different than the average person's, but there are some moments in life when your eyes pop wide open, as if you'd been squinting your entire life until that moment...I've had a few moments that have come close - like the time I was at a "Hollywood" party held by a publicist (oh, don't be impressed - I was huddled like a frightened puppy in a corner for most of the night, lol). I was talking for about 45 minutes with a physicist before she finally asked me what I do for a living. Now, I've read about jaw-dropping experiences, but never thought I'd actually live to encounter one myself. Well, I'm here to tell you the act of the jaw falling agape can and does happen! lol She stared at me in disbelief for about 10 seconds before blurting out, "But you're so RATIONAL!!" Of course I couldn't help but laugh.